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첨삭 / 평가 부탁드려요. 당신의 도움이 나에게 빛을.

부탁해요 | 조회 879 | 추천 10
  • 2016.07.09
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■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading


예시나 이런것들은..그냥 대충 쓴것이고요

서론본론결론의 짜임새나 문법 / 글 흐름 등에 대해서 평가/첨삭을 해주시면

너무너무 무지무지 베리쌩유 감사하겠습니다.


▶ Topic :

College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than the courses that seem most likely to lead to jobs.


▶ Your Answer :

  Many say that the goal of college education is to persue students' urge to find their interests and learn professional theories through a specific curriculum. No one denies the axiom since, for a very long time, the education has been considered as a good method to fill out our enthusiasm in regards with our interesting fields. However, for college students, one of important thing cannot be neglected that they have to prepare for their future after graduation. This issue will be strongly connected with their future jobs. In this regard, I partially disagree with the issue that college students should find subjects interesting them.

  Although most of countries require children to take mandatory education until graduation high schools, attending college is quite different because students have the liberty to choose whether they decide to attend college or not. Also, they will be freer to select their majors fitting to their potential and talents. For this reason, it is reasonable to assert that college students should try to find one of appropriate courses to develop their aptitude. The more knowledgeable a student becomes about his interest, the more satisfactory life he can obtain through college education. For example, the famous philosopher in 430 B.C., Socrates argued that one would be more helpful to make a society more progressive under the assumption that he did steadily learn his favorite field through a whole of his life.

  Nevertheless, there are many other important factors for college students. At least, they never be forced to pursuit subjects to satisfy their interests. This point of view is certainly relative to their purposes to attend college. Though some decide to go to college to attain more knowledge for their interests, others may have other reasons like getting a lucrative job in future. Five years ago, the editor of a messmedia, Korean Times, published an article to introduce 'The Dream of Twenties' and it revealed most of them made their decision to graduate college to secure jobs with higher salaries than others who have not college diploma. This tandency is quite understanable by taking rapidly changing world into account since, as time goes passes, the money becomes indispensable factor to make our well-being lives. Were someone to consider the high college expenses, it would be not easy to encourage students to merely concentrate on their interests.

  Moreover, based on the development of information technology, we are not solely dependent on college to persue our academic interests. In South of Korea, one of celebraties, Soo-Han Lee, is very proper to give an example to demonstrate the assertion. In Han-Kook National University, he majored and graduated the department of Electrical Engineering and became an engineer after graudation. However, he interested in Computer Science so learned the computer course through many other alternatives and finally built one of famous computer fabrication companies, named SuperNova. It gives a very important lesson that college students always don't need to choose their courses regarding to their interests. They already have many other ways to fill out their curiosity for the interests except taking courses in college.

  Also, until now, education is considered as a divine way to satisfy a student's curiosity. However, college is not the single one to achieve the thing. In addition, taking high school expenses into account, it is more propitious for college students to take courses for their future jobs rather than subjects associated with their interests.

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