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[이슈] 첨삭 부탁드려요

이슈 | 조회 858 | 추천 10
  • 2016.06.03
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer

▶ Topic :

123. The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

▶ Your Answer :

             In our society, it is debatable whether a society should emphasize a sense of cooperation or competition when preparing its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the statement that a sense of cooperation is more essential than competition.

             Admittedly, a competition is a critical source for young people to excel their abilities in many realms especially in sports. If Tiger Woods had not had such a strong sense of competition, he would not have become the best golf player in our history. Moreover, if Yuna Kim were not competitive enough, she would not have won the gold medal in the Olympic for the first time in Korea. As such, a sense of competition is pivotal especially when it comes to the single players.

             However, there are a plethora of fields that a sense of cooperation is required. If Pol Pots who had eradicated millions of Cambodians who did not adhere to the superiority of Cambodian cultures had learned the significance of a sense of cooperation, he would not have taken such a brutal action. If Hitler who had also killed a millions of innocent Jewish people had known that a society flourishes when a variety of people cooperate one another, he would not have made such a wrong decision. Moreover, the cooperation is strongly required in the field of business. A myriad of people were surprised to watch a recent game between Sedol Lee and AlphaGo. It was a team called Google DeepMind but not an individual who developed such an intelligent computer program which beat one of the most outstanding human Go players in our history. Without teamwork, this incredible invention would not have been created.

             In summary, although the competition is not insignificant because it triggers people to excel in their fields, a sense of cooperation is more crucial in many fields to advance our society. Thus, it is required for people to go the extra mile to instill a sense of cooperation to young people for leadership.

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